Pink Monkey Knits

Using my opposable thumbs to knit up a storm!

Thursday, November 11, 2004

Come One! Come All! 

You've come to the one, the only, oft-imitated, never duplicated Captain Pink Monkey's World of Knitting FREAKS!! Step right up to see the most ghoulish, the most hideous, the most imperfectly perfect scarf on which your eyes have ever feasted! Keep the little ones close, friends, and feel free to shield your eyes if it's too intense. Prepare yourself to step into the the weird, wild world that is the HCPFR Scarf!

First, you'll see every knitter's nightmare: the dropped stitch ladder! Oh, but this was no accident, oh no, it was used to excellent effect to create a look that's the ultimate in punk rock fashion.

Round the corner and you'll come to the ultimate in inconsistent stitches: the Randomly Placed Purl Patch! This small part creates subtle visual interest while remaining unthinkable to the average knitter.

Next, we come to the ultimate in loose cannon knitting: the Krazy Ass Kable! Just when you think this kable goes in one direction, it veers in the opposite direction, twisting and turning at will. Just as horrifying: it starts in the middle and goes for just a bit, show itself to be a true individual.

Parents, you may want to turn your children away on this racy bit. To add a bit of naughtiness to this already off-color piece, what was added to the end? Why, none other than a choice bit of the feminine form! Oh yes friends, and it is fully anatomically correct (though not fully functional). You can look but you can't touch!

And now, if you can bear to look, if you can handle this magnificent horror, here's 1/3 of the entire scarf, laying out and basking in its truly awful nature!

Now friends, prepare yourself for the most dastardly of images. We don't recommend this one for those with weak hearts. Here it is, the freakish, the unthinkable...
The HCPFR Scarf worn by the outlandish COBRA BOY!!!

Don't stand too close! He's dangerous and not afraid to strike or whip! That venom is deadly!!

So that you, my friends, can get a better look, we'll just give him this little shot to calm him down.

He's naught but a sad clown.

Friends, I hope you have enjoyed this evening's show. Be sure to stay tuned for more trips through the World of Knitting FREAKS!